Friday, January 30, 2009

Break Up Season

Break Up Season by Tonimari Santos. go to

It's been a very common, almost daily entry that I find this in my Facebook accounts.

"Girl" and "Boy" ended their relationship.

Although, come to think of it, this kind of thing probably happens everyday if not every minute. Sad part about it is, it's happening to most of my friends.

It's never a good experience breaking someone's heart and ending a relationship. I've always believed that if you think you can hold on, if you can still take it, if you can still try and understand your partner, then this should never be an option. In every relationship, most people say that the partners define if it will work out or not, if she'll stay or leave, work it out or give up.

I've read somewhere that it isn't love and luck. It’s commitment and companionship. Commitment means that you have powerful personal, moral, and structural reasons to stay in the relationship. Companionship means that you and your partner form a unified team against whatever challenges life hands you. Team members may fight, disagree, and encounter stalemates, but they know that their happiness and satisfaction in life depends on the success of the team–not on their individual success.

Regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, whether you pay the bills or stay at home, or whether you need your partner more than your partner needs you, there is only one person in control of any relationship. That person has the power to turn a relationship around or run it into the ground. And that person usually never realizes how much power he/she wields until it is too late.

That person is you.

You have the choice to either react to the situation you’re in (by complaining about your relationship, allowing yourself to be swamped by negative emotions, or feeling out of control), or to take responsibility and choose your actions.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can hurt you without your consent.”

Even if you cannot change your partner’s behavior, you can choose how you respond to that behavior. You can internalize the blame, the hurt, and the criticism, or you can take responsibility for your own feelings and choose to act the way you want to feel.

Think again about that last concept. You should act the way you want to feel. If you want to feel more loving towards your partner, act more loving. If you want to feel happier in your relationship, smile more and express gratitude for the good things. It’s one of the strangest aspects of human psychology that the more you act the way you want to feel (thankful, peaceful, loving, affectionate, etc.) the more you will begin to feel that way.

Few people realize this. When a relationship begins to crumble, their first instinct is to act out their emotions. They feel hurt, so they lash out. They feel criticized, so they become defensive. They feel vulnerable, so they close up. These are reactions, not actions. Your feelings should NOT make you act in ways that you don’t want to.

You have the power to transform your relationship, even if your partner doesn’t want to. That’s because your behavior has an enormous influence on your partner, to the point that couples actually grow alike over time. We can’t help but pick up our partner’s moods, preferences, and ways of saying certain things. If you transform yourself–your attitude, the way you communicate, how often you show love and affection–your partner will be incapable of resisting.

A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you.

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