When Boys Go Out!

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A friend of mine asked me to write an article for her magazine...I think I bullied my way into it hahaha! She wanted an article about the different types of Night Outs for guys.Published in CHALK Magazine. Unedited Version.

“I’LL BE AT MY BOY’S HOUSE”. A typical boys’ night out, a chance to catch up about each others lives, reminisce about how things used to be when everyone was single, to rant about girlfriends, to talk about other women, and to get stupidly wasted in a relatively safe and inexpensive environment. Yes, I know, surprisingly, we men talk, and we talk a lot. Don’t worry, we don’t talk about intimate things about our girlfriends, it’s one of those topics that are off limits to us guys. Recalling the good old days when we went out whenever we wanted to, retelling stories that started out with “remember that girl…”, when life was not complicated by other people’s emotions. Don’t get me wrong though, we’re not unhappy, it’s just a venue where we can say “Women!” and roll our eyes after. This is where we can bond, with no one around, just close friends with your favorite bottle of alcohol.

“FRIEND IN TROUBLE”. It’s when one of the guys unexpectedly calls up your boy and asks to meet up for a few drinks. Problems from family to the girlfriend, it can take a couple of hours to a whole night. Boys use friends as emotional shock absorbers. Yes, we have emotions and we cry sometimes. We need an understanding friend who will listen in times of distress, and that friend is your boyfriend. There is nothing to be suspicious about, unless he has a different friend in trouble every single night.

“WHERE TO?!?”. Going to paradise via Air Force One? Who’s Classmate? Ah yes, these are the moments when a friend wants an “adventure”, to say the least. Single friends may have a blast at these places but most men who are in a relationship don’t really enjoy these kinds of night outs. It’s expensive (the better bars of course) and the experience is overrated. Let me tell you, It’s just videoke with a pretty woman (you’d be surprised with the pretty women) beside you serving you drinks and feeding you. That is until we ask for more than the usual service. It’s fun to see your friends having a good time and doing brainless, funny things though. These “adventures” are harmless entertainment and a fountain of hilarious “remember that time” stories. Don’t be alarmed when your man tells you that they went to a girly bar. In the first place, he told you and that usually means he didn’t do anything stupid and secondly trust your boyfriend.

“DON’T WAIT UP, GOING OUT WITH THE GUYS”. And we mean it. This is an all-nighter; we’ll be out until we raise the sun. Bar-hopping and going from one club to the other, posting up on a wall, checking out women. It’s one of those nights when we want to see and be seen. Don’t worry, we look and ogle, but that’s as far as it goes. We live vicariously through our single male friends, chivying and daring them to hit on beautiful ladies. Sometimes, when I find myself in some bar’s chair with a bottle in hand, basking in the light of the early morning with a silly smile on my face, I know it has been a night. In the end, it’s all about being with the “crew” and having a great time.

Being with the boys is a support system that we rely on, not only in times of girlfriend woes, but also in times of emotional need, whether to sympathize or to celebrate. Spending our time with our friends is a way to reinforce our personal space, a life outside “in a relationship”. Boys’ night outs are the best venue to reconnect with good friends. What it boils down to are relationships. People are social beings and keeping relationships are important to anyone, be it boys or girls. Nurturing these relationships are essential especially the ones that matter.

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN YOUR BOY IS WITH HIS BOYS:

1. Do not send him an SMS every minute of the night and ask “what are you doing?” or “where are you?” instead of enjoying his night, he’ll be spending his time with his head down answering your every message. Just tell him to have fun, to take care, and if he could possibly let you know where he is and when he gets home so that you won’t worry.
2. Resist the urge to call him up on his mobile during the night. His posse will give him a hard time about it, so texts are good enough. If he hasn’t given you an update on his night since he left his house, and you’re reasonably worried, then its ok, give him a call.
3. If you have his friends numbers, do not text them and ask them about the night. It will come across as spying and lack of trust. If you want to ask, ask your man.
4. Do not invite yourself over. There is a reason why it’s called a boys night out. If he wanted you over, he would have invited you.

HE’S SPENDING MORE TIME WITH THE BOYS THAN WITH YOU WHEN:

1. He can’t say no to every invite that his crew gives out.
2. He has his entourage with him everywhere you go.
3. He can’t talk about anything else than what he and the guys did last night.
4. He considers it a date when you and he, with the whole gang, is at the same table with 5 buckets of beer.
5. He checks with his boys first before he can plan a day with you.

HOW TO GET YOUR MAN TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU:

1. Let him have his night outs; don’t make a big deal out of it. He’ll appreciate you understanding his need to be with the boys.
2. Let him see that your world doesn’t revolve around him and that you have your night outs as well. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, just make sure you can span the absence in a heartbeat.
3. When you do spend time with each other, be “maasikaso”, not the motherly type, but the very sweet “malambing” type or very sweet “suplada” type. Every man wants to be taken cared of, just find out what type of “maasikaso” your guy responds to and he’ll be coming back for more.
4. Great Food. Whether you cook great food, know where to find great food, or always have great food at arms reach, he’ll stay.
5. Always look your best and smell incredibly good. The objective is to physically show him how good it feels to be near you.

Here's to good food, fine wine, and great company!

Kevin Cabanban
kevincabanban@gmail.com
http://www.twitter.com/KevinSteady

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